Here we go again.
Keeping my heart and mind safe in a time of turmoil.
I know too much, but I still don’t enough.
Like many other humans, I’ve had to take a time-out these last several weeks.
I feel like January lasted for forty years and it seems like February will go on for forty more. I’ve had a hard time, even in my own home, voicing my thoughts and opinions on the current socio-political issues in the U.S. The humans still living in our home are of like minds on pretty much everything but I have found that the more we rail about the injustices, abuse of political power, and idiocy of what is happening, the more angry and discouraged we get.
Emotional burnout is visible on the horizon and I don’t want to be so exhausted and hopeless that I can’t be effective when I’m needed.
I have learned that there is very little I can do to change the minds of people who disagree with me. I (mostly) stopped trying to a long time ago. I don’t give up on my ideals and convictions but I do stop wasting precious energy trying to convince others of things they are unwilling to consider in the first place. I believe that seekers always find the truth if they are intentionally seeking it. I also believe that my responsibility is to model my convictions via my behavior. How I treat others is outwardly visible to the people in my life. I have to trust that anyone who wants to understand the heart behind my choices will make an intentional effort to ask me.
I’m not perfect. I’m still learning, growing, and healing. I have made mistake after mistake in my forty-eight years. I have hurt people I love. I have lost some of them. I have regrets. Who doesn’t? But I am still convinced that living my life with compassion and teachability will be the most powerful thing I can ever do.
Right now, at this time in history, I am doubling down on that conviction. And I’m starting with myself.
Concerning compassion—I am choosing to believe the best about the people in my life. It is a practice that requires discipline and it is not always easy. But what I know for certain is that there has never been a circumstance in my life that was made better by withholding compassion because I assumed someone else’s motivations toward me. The mind is a very creative thing and I have a gift when it comes to writing imaginary narratives about the intentions of others. I have to check that gift frequently.
I recently had an experience with someone I love very much where we found ourselves in a place of painful strain, distance, and tension all because we both assumed something about the other. They experienced our relationship through a lens of deep hurt based on the belief that I knew about a circumstance in their life that involved me and was never addressed. For years they held this pain. It was something I didn’t know. And you can’t address what you don’t know.
On the other hand, I had assumed that the ever-growing gap between us was because of something else entirely, despite a long history of grace in word and deed. My imagination and assumptions were working against me. And I know better than to let that happen but let it happen anyway.
Which brings me to teachability.
I know a lot of things—this is not me bragging about my intellect; rather, an acknowledgment that I am an information gatherer. I am most confident when I can speak with knowledge on any given topic. Whether it’s my type 5 Enneagram, my INFJ personality, or the fact that I don’t have a formal college degree—I don’t feel safe when I feel ignorant.
But the more I learn in this life, the more I realize that I don’t know shit. And that is a tough pill for me to swallow. Remaining teachable instead of doubling down on my stubbornness is healthy for me. And I want to be healthy.
The challenge in this world of social media and twenty-four-hour news cycles is that it can be really hard to separate the wheat from the chaff (or truth from BS). Social media can be so fun—I’m a HUGE fan of the crafty, garden, BookTok circle of content. But the sensational, rage-bait, content of (even well-meaning) folks isn’t doing anything for my mental health.
Again, I have to be intentional about what I consume. I have made a couple of small but key adjustments to my information intake that have helped me and may help others.
Take a social media time-out for however long you need. Remove the apps that stress you out from your phone. Force an adjustment to the algorithm on those you keep. I have found it helpful to engage with creators and posts (like/comment/share) that I want to see more of and mute, unfollow, or quickly swipe through those I don’t. You can also search out specific topics and hashtags to tell the algorithm what you want to see and block keywords for things you don’t.
Find reputable sources to stay informed (I know, this one can be tricky). Here are a few I visit at least once weekly and sometimes daily:
Congress.gov (to stay up to date on legislation being considered)
If you are someone who considers themselves an activist or ally, pick one or two key things to focus on. You are just one person and it’s a very big world. I have chosen the things about which I am most passionate—civil rights (for women, minorities, LGBTQIA+ folks, and disabled people). I am intentional about contacting my congressional representatives (whether or not my ideals align with theirs) and donating to established organizations that are actively in the ring fighting like The Trevor Project or the ACLU.
I have so much to learn about so many things but I know that if I remain compassionate and teachable I’ll be able to figure it out as I go.
Behind the Scenes
Despite the chaos of the world, there has been so much to be grateful for:
Ian turned 18. I wept. A lot. It’s the end of an era and I am still processing.
Elena got accepted to the Disney College Program again which is a HUGE win for her after having to withdraw from the program last year due to her brain hemorrhage and CCM diagnosis. She will be leaving home in May to start her magical adventure.
I started working part-time with Harbor Online Community—a community I’ve been part of for over two years and believe in very much.
We found out that we are going to be grandparents for a third time as my son Josh and his wife Kaitlyn are expecting a baby in August.
My grandson, Elliott, turned two and we all got to be present at his celebration. And we got to celebrate his beautiful momma, Alexis, and new baby sister Millie who is due in March.
My son Caleb was honored as Firefighter of the Year for Frisco, Texas.
Jason and I have been playing It Takes Two on the PS5 and it turns out that playing video games as a couple can be a great practice in communication. It’s also an extremely humorous spectator sport for your adult children. LOL.
What January and February made…
I didn’t think I’d accomplished too much until I started pulling photos. I made my first intentional stumpwork embroidery piece in January, sold another embroidery piece this month, used up some of my yarn stash making a winter scarf and matching headband, and finished a baby blanket and monogram for baby Millie. All in all, not a bad showing.
Books, Books, Books
Lots of reading since the New Year. If you are new here, I don’t post reviews but always link the authors’ sites for credit.
(Currently reading) The Covenant of Water by Abraham Verghese
How We Learn to Be Brave: Decisive Moments in Life and Faith by Mariann Edgar Budde
Small Things Like These by Claire Keegan
A Rhythm of Prayer: A Collection of Meditations for Renewal edited by Sarah Bessey with contributions by Amena Brown, Barbara Taylor Brown, Lisa Sharon Harper, and others
Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler
What the River Knows by Isabel Ibañez
Witch of the Wild Things by Raquel Vasquez Gilliland
The God of the Woods by Liz Moore
Longshadow by Olivia Atwater
In Case Your Momma Never Told You…
Gratitude is a discipline, it takes practice.
You can start simply by journaling (or just simply acknowledging) one good thing a day. Doesn’t matter how small or seemingly insignificant that thing might be. For example, “I took three deep breaths today” or “I didn’t flip anyone off today”.
When you are ready, try doing something for someone else without any expectation from them. Give $5 to the person panhandling at the stoplight. Send a handwritten card to a friend or family member (even if you text them every day). Compliment a random stranger at the grocery store.
It all adds up and helps in finding hope in the world around you.
*Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, therapist, or licensed expert in ANYTHING. I'm just a human sharing some things I’ve learned that have helped me. If you take any advice given here, you do so at your own risk, so please use common sense. None of my posts are affiliated, and I receive no compensation for linked products. I provide links to give credit where credit is due.
Another post from you that speaks directly to where my head and heart have been lately too. Thank you. I've been trying to untangle my thoughts for my own post soon and this is very helpful.
Also, OMG Congrats to Elena!! I am so, so happy for her!
And congrats to your whole family for a new grandbaby on the way and other wonderful milestones.
Mike and I also play It Takes Two together and it is such a wild game! Lately though we've been opting to each play Zelda on our own Switches and share fun tips with each other. Less stressful that way. LOL