The End of an Era
Thoughts on Releasing without Losing
Character always reveals itself in time. -Barry King Smith (aka “Pops”)
What makes a house a home?
The first time I walked into the house we’ve lived in for the last eight years, I knew it was our home. I’d barely crossed the threshold when I had a vision of fullness and activity—people coming and going, tiny feet pattering on the hardwood, the sound of life echoing through the rooms.
I was alone with our friend & realtor but immediately called Jason and said, “This is it. We need to make an offer today.”
I can say a lot of great things about my husband without any hesitation, but his unwavering support of my crazy dreams is definitely at the top of the list.
In May of 2016, we closed on our first home purchase together. This house has been everything I envisioned and so much more. Now we are preparing to leave it.
There was a time in my life when I never would’ve believed I would be settled in any place. As a military brat, we moved a lot. My life existed on a recurring two-year timer. As a new mother, the idea of home made me sad. I didn’t have the privilege of visiting a childhood home like my partners. There was no epicenter of reminiscence for me and I wanted so much for my kids to have something different than I did.
Despite divorces and cross-country co-parenting, this house has become that place.
My grandfather used to say that character always reveals itself in time. I’ve held onto this perspective my entire life. I’ve had relationships come and go. People have always revealed their true selves given enough time, but I’ve learned over the years that places and families also have character—a way of being regardless of circumstance.
The last few weeks, I’ve stood in rooms, recalling conversations and moments that have revealed our family's character. We are strong and committed to one another. We are as resilient as we are tender-hearted. We are brave even when life tries to tell us we have no reason to be. We are hopeful even as we are hurting.
I am grateful for that revelation. There has been enough time, joy, grief, and opportunity for us to fall apart or turn on one another. But we haven’t. We are not a picture-perfect, traditional family without faults or challenges and never will be. But even as we work through difficult and painful experiences, we have chosen to anchor our character in loving & doing our best to learn about and understand one other.
Since buying this house, we have planned weddings, funerals, baby showers, graduation parties, family vacations, and birthday celebrations. We’ve had bonfire movie nights with friends and family. We’ve all curled up on the same bed together and wept over the loss of loved ones. We’ve housed friends in transition. We’ve hosted game nights and Thanksgiving gatherings. We’ve prayed for healing and also carefully reconsidered our faith here. We’ve recovered from heartbreak and broken relationships. We’ve danced, sung, played, laughed, wept, cussed, walked virtual planks, and raced Mario carts. We have learned so much about ourselves, each other, and the world since we’ve been here.
When we bought this house, it was more than a financial milestone for me. Getting this far in my life was proof that healing was possible. Every moment here has confirmed that I have done what I hoped I would when I moved back to Florida 20+ years ago—I broke the cycle of dysfunction in my life. I got better. I faced my traumas and came through it all as a creative and hopeful woman. I’m a better wife than I thought I could be. I’m a better mother and grandmother than I had for myself. I am teachable and still empathetic. I didn’t sacrifice my heart or soul at the altar of survival after all. I grew up and out, growing both roots and fruit here.
Don’t get me wrong—I’m terrified of starting over in a new place. The little girl in me is afraid she won’t be wanted. The middle-schooler in me wonders if I’ll make new friends. The twenty-year-old is afraid that old demons will reappear and paralyze me. The forty-seven-year-old wonders if I’ll be resented for being the catalyst for this move. I have to continuously remind every part of my heart that it will be okay.
I know that at the end of it all, when the last box is packed and we turn the keys over to another family to build a life here, we will be leaving a house but taking home with us.
I’ve always disliked the expression Home is where the heart is. A traumatized, bitter heart can make a house a hellscape. I prefer to believe that home is where the hope is, and we carry that hope with us no matter where we go. My confidence in that truth allows me to release this place and still hold tightly to all it gave and taught me.
Dear House,
You have been the most wonderful home. I hope that your next occupants experience even more joy here than we have. Thank you for everything.
With a grateful heart,
B~
Currently Playing
There have been a lot of VERY BIG emotions in this moving process—the packing, dealing with the logistics, facing the fears, and signing a shit-ton of paperwork…there are days when I cry for no reason (or lots of reasons) and I need to be reminded that it’s okay. I’m okay. So I go back to this playlist that has already seen some wonderful additions since I first shared it.
There hasn’t been a lot of stitching here lately, but there has been a lot of singing.
Did your momma ever tell you…?
Cleaning up the kitchen after dinner also includes wiping down the countertops. It’s true. You can even go the extra mile and take out the trash if it’s full before you go to bed. Whodathunkit?!
There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Trust me on this one—I know it’s hard. But needing or accepting help even if you don’t need it doesn’t make you less.
You are worthy of big adventures. You are worthy of growing and changing and trying and even failing if it comes to that. Even in your failure you are worthy of the lessons you will learn.
Good Words
“Where there is love and kindness and softness and vulnerability, there is strength and wisdom and I can feel myself mending.”
Brianna Pastor
*Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, therapist, or licensed expert in ANYTHING. I'm just a woman sharing some of the things I’ve learned in life that have helped me. If you take any of the advice given here, please do so using your own common sense. Also, none of my posts are affiliated, and I receive no compensation of any kind shared or linked products. I provide links to give credit where credit is due.
I love this beautiful look into your home and heart. Thank you for sharing. ❤️
I love your Substacks so much. I really like that your pictures are Black & White.
Thank you again for telling your truth in such a beautiful way. I'm sad that you are leaving, but I know we'll remain friends. I'm so excited for your new adventures. Especially that you & your grand son get to be together more.